“Who are you?” “What are you about?” “Who is Chad?”
Someone asked me those questions 4 years ago and I couldn’t readily answer. Have I been able to find an answer since then? I think I have. I think I’m closer, anyway.
Who am I outside of my friends? My relationships? My role or my job? My position? My responsibilities? The work I do? If those are all taken away, who am I?
And that’s the hard thing about life. Those things are taken away, eventually. At the very least, they change and transform. But what is left? What’s the core?
Who Am I
What Do I Love To Do?
What Do I Think Is Beautiful?
Who am I?
We all are many people. I am many people.
- The Romantic Chad,
who wants to share, to understand, and make someone laugh – a lot
- The Creative Chad,
who feels his tastes have always out matched his skill
- The Addict Chad,
who is part of me, but isn’t all of me
- The Angry Chad,
who is part of me, and needs to be, but isn’t in control
- The Athlete Chad,
who loves meeting challenges
- The Reader Chad,
who loves learning and knowing
- The Student Chad,
who faces and challenges ideas
- The Spiritual Chad,
who earnestly meets with God
- The Son Chad,
who admires and loves his parents but fears disappointing them
- The Brother Chad,
who still doesn’t understand and yet still knows his brother
- The Friend Chad,
of intense affection, and yet sometimes distances himself in fear or shame
- The Social Networker,
who loves knowing people others don’t notice or expect
- The Faithful Worker,
who can sacrifice and always find a way to do what’s needed
- The Hero,
who loves coming to the rescue and doing the impossible or unexpected
- The Mentor,
who loves asking questions and showing new possibilities
- The One Belonging To God,
who is beloved, was always known and seen by Him.
All of these must work together and grow together. There are other parts – some I’ve not discovered, some that may still be forming. The tension between all of these must remain dynamic. Can they grow and co-exist? Can they behave? They must. Stillness is death. Life is motion. I’m choosing motion.
What do I love to do?
- Travel (learner, strategic, connectedness)*
- Take pictures (connectedness)
- Think of funny things (ideation)
- Write “stuff” (intellection, ideation)
- Create graphics and designing things (ideation, strategic)
- See or help things grow (strategic, connectedness, ideation)
- Help cool events or happenings… happen (connectedness, strategic)
- Come up with ideas no one else has yet (ideation, intellection)
- Hear new ideas (learner, intellection)
- See or help new things start (strategic, ideation)
- Read books (learner, intellection)
- Be with close friends (connectedness)
- Be with people I love (connectedness)
- Imagine things that don’t exist yet (ideation, strategic)
- See new movies (connectedness, ideation)
- Find something new on the Internet (learner, connectedness, ideation, strategic, intellection)
- Be part of a community or group doing something important (connectedness, strategic)
We all have things we enjoy. But why do we enjoy them? I’ve seen why I enjoy doing some things and it’s because they in some way express some things I’m just inclined to do. I like learning. I like finding new ideas. I like considering new ways of thinking. I like being connected with others in expression and in unity, despite my introversion. I like thinking of the most strategic way to approach complicated situations. Connecting ideas and people together to make something important, needed, or new happen – that’s what excites me. *Clifton Strengths Finder
What do I think is beautiful?
We desire what we think is beautiful. So what do I think is beautiful?
I’ve reflected often about how a small concept of beauty shrinks the heart. It’s easy to settle for little and receive even less. Things I have pursued have often left me emptier. Desires I have had have been shells standing in for something greater. Still, I’m reminded that it is good to desire. What’s beautiful, really, is the Kingdom of God. What’s beautiful, really, is Jesus. What’s beautiful, really, is The Way.
Considering that, I’d like to:
- Move continually toward a Kingdom Ethic in all parts of my life.
- Press forward in seeing and partnering in the greater mission of Jesus.
- Live in the abundant presence of Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
My desire is to respond, respond, respond, and respond again to the invitations of Jesus. Anything less than that is settling for something less than real. And I will settle. I know I will. But I will endeavor to respond even still. I will be faithless, He will be faithful.
I will respond still.
Moving Towards Potential And Possibilities
Am I physically healthier?
Am I emotionally/spiritually healthier?
Am I being productive, fulfilled by, and provided for by my work/labors?
Am I experiencing less community or more community?
As I ask myself these questions, day by day, week by week, month by month, my hope is that “yes” will be said more than “no”. And these really are the four questions I’m left with. Who is Chad? Chad is developing and growing. I’m not done. Stillness is death.
Life is motion.
I’m choosing motion.
My dream job, right now, is being the operator of an independent movie theater with 2-5 screens, honestly. Well, anyway…
Enneagram 4, with 5 wing
APEST – Prophet/Teacher
The Divine Conspiracy – Dallas Willard
The Shaping Of Things To Come – Frost/Hirsch
Exiles: Living Missionally In A Post Christian Culture – Michael Frost
The Forgotten Ways – Alan Hirsch
Serious Times – James Emery White
Strength in Weakness – Andrew Comiskey
Angry Conversations With God – Susan Isaacs
Real Sex – Lauren Winner
by Edgar Lee Masters
I have studied many times
The marble which was chiseled for me–
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
In truth it pictures not my destination
But my life.
For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;
Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
And now I know that we must lift the sail
And catch the winds of destiny
Wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one’s life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture
Of restlessness and vague desire–
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.